Counselling services
Affair Recovery & Trust
Rebuild trust and heal your relationship after an affair with intensive affair recovery programs.
What is Affair Recovery Therapy?
When betrayal occurs in a relationship, the resulting emotional pain is often difficult to overcome. At Can’t We Just Get Along Counselling, we have helped many individuals and couples find ways to cope with the complexities of the infidelity recovery process
The Phases of Healing from an Affair
There are three phases of healing that Melody uses to help couples heal from an affair. They include:
- Disclosure phase
- Information seeking phase
- Reconstruction of the new marriage phase (creating marriage number two)
Phase 1: Disclosure
The disclosure phase is a time of truth-seeking. It’s essential to tell the truth at this time to avoid further harm and restore the bond of hope for re-connection. It is, therefore, a difficult time of exploring pain. However, the truth will set both of you free from the bonds of lies. There are a few essential things to remember during this difficult time.
The unfaithful spouse or partner must disconnect from their affair partner, take full responsibility, avoid defensiveness, and find empathy for the betrayed spouse or partner’s pain. It can be difficult when an affair is discovered, and defences can rise.
Be careful with how you discuss the affair — the pace and spirit of the conversation can either cause further harm or help to heal both the betrayed partner and unfaithful partner. Remember that attacks (“How could you…”) and disqualifying pain (“Why can’t you just get over it?”) can occur. These types of expressions are not helpful, and seeking a therapist to help you navigate these difficult conversations can help. As a clinical psychologist, Melody Evans has helped many couples get through the disclosure phase and start the journey back to the relationship they want.
Phase 2: Information Seeking
What matters the most in terms of healing and rebuilding trust is how the betrayer and the betrayed talk about the affair. For the partner who has been hurt, it’s best to act like a reporter seeking information. Ask questions like who, where, when, how, and why. It’s the why — the reason behind the actions — that matters most. The partner who has betrayed needs to ask him or herself the question, “Will knowing this fact help or hurt me?”
Information that increases obsessive thoughts is harmful and should be avoided. If you are the hurt partner, you may need to work through these painful or intrusive thoughts with a therapist. It’s not uncommon for partners who find out about marital infidelity to screen for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Having a therapist like Melody, who is trained in treating these issues is essential to manage symptoms associated with trauma such as nightmares or flashbacks.
Phase 3: Reconstruction Of The New Relationship
The reconstruction of a new relationship starts with creating understanding, trust, communication, and healing. It is where Melody employs an integrated approach of Gottman therapy, solution-focused therapy, systems theory, and sometimes EMDR help to rebuilding the marriage. She focuses on helping couples:
- Create good will, focusing on strengths and areas of connection
- Understand the story of and behind the affair
- Understand vulnerabilities
- Create an environment that builds trust and reconnection
- Desensitize to triggers
- Rebuild a sound relationship house
- Restore self-esteem and mutual respect
These are just a few of the essential healing elements needed to get you back on track in life and your marriage.
Tips To Remember
- How you tell the story is more import than what you share
- Shift from adversarial to emphatic
- Avoid power struggles
- Control destructive outbursts
- Remember that secrets are harmful acts of suppression that create unreasonable perspectives — what we resist, persists
- Secrets create traps and prevent us from having freedom
Our Affair Recovery Services
Melody Evans, our Registered Clinical Psychologist and Marriage and Family Therapist provides intensive programs for couples struggling with infidelity. You can book longer sessions or attend an intensive to start rebuilding your relationship after infidelity or an emotional affair.
Our Approach to Infidelity
At Can’t We Just Get Along Counselling, we believe the most important thing to know is that you can save your marriage. Since all couples are unique, the work is tailored to the specifics of your marriage. Infidelity is prevalent — more so than most couples want to admit. We do not minimize the damage that infidelity can have on a relationship but believe that with time it is possible to heal.
Recommended resources
Pamela Meyer: How To Spot A Liar
Contact Us
Contact us to learn more about how our affair recovery services can support the unique needs of your relationship and help you navigate infidelity to rebuild a new relationship.
