Does Couples Therapy Actually Work?
Marriage Counselling in Calgary: Rebuilding Trust and Communication After Conflict
Does couples therapy actually work? This is a fair question, as I believe skepticism is always prudent. Before you participate in anything, you should be well informed about the outcomes and side effects. The effectiveness of couples therapy is a question many couples ask when they feel discouraged by the outcomes they have had in therapy. In our practice, we use evidence-based therapies. Can’t we just get along? We use two evidence-based forms of therapy that, in my opinion, work if you put in the work. It’s important to learn how evidence-based Marriage Counselling in Calgary rebuilds trust, improves communication, and restores connection after conflict.
In reading this blog, here are the key takeaways:
- Approximately 70–75% of couples improve with structured, evidence-based therapy.
- The Gottman Method is grounded in over 40 years of longitudinal relationship research.
- EMDR is internationally recognized as an evidence-based trauma treatment.
- Trauma-informed couples therapy improves outcomes after betrayal and attachment injuries.
- Marriage counselling can rebuild trust, emotional safety, and communication.
Quick Answer Up Front
In a nutshell, the answer is yes—couples therapy works. Decades of research demonstrate that structured, evidence-based approaches such as the Gottman Method and trauma-informed EMDR significantly improve relationship satisfaction, communication, and emotional safety. When couples engage in Marriage Counselling, focused on rebuilding trust and communication after conflict, meaningful and lasting change is possible. This is not to say that couples therapy isn’t hard work, requires commitment, and emphasizes the importance of client-therapist fit.
What the Research Says About Couples Therapy
Let’s look at what the research says about couples therapy: outcome studies across multiple models show strong effectiveness rates. The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy reports that roughly 70–75% of couples experience improvement in relationship satisfaction.
Evidence Snapshot: Couples Therapy: Gottman Method
Controlled studies published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy show statistically significant improvements in marital adjustment and intimacy after structured Gottman-based interventions, with gains maintained at follow-up. By utilizing the Gottman Method, couples can expect:
- Identification of destructive conflict patterns (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling)
- Training in repair attempts
- Increasing positive-to-negative interaction ratios
- Strengthening friendship and emotional attunement
Evidence Snapshot: EMDR in Couples Therapy
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is recognized by the American Psychological Association and the World Health Organization as an effective treatment for trauma. Emerging research demonstrates that integrating EMDR into couples therapy reduces trauma symptoms, improves emotional regulation, enhances forgiveness, and strengthens relationship satisfaction in trauma-affected couples.
Why Couples Therapy Works
Couples therapy works because it provides structure, emotional safety, and skill development. It works because couples create a safe space to have conversations they would never otherwise have at home. And it works because when people invest in their lives and take action toward change, change occurs. Rather than repeating unresolved arguments, partners learn to regulate nervous system responses and respond to each other with empathy and accountability. Other benefits of couples therapy include:
- Interrupts destructive conflict cycles
- Builds emotional safety and trust
- Processes unresolved trauma
- Improves communication clarity
- Creates shared meaning and long-term goals
Marriage Counselling in Calgary: Local Support That Works
Given our central location, we at Can’t We Just Get Along Counselling can offer therapy to all of Calgary and the surrounding areas. Additionally, with the added benefit of virtual therapy, we can offer services throughout the province. Our clinicians offer trauma-informed, evidence-based therapy that is essential to help couples move beyond crisis toward clarity, stability, and reconnection.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does couples therapy really work?
Yes. Research across multiple evidence-based models shows that most couples improve with structured Gottman therapy. This is why we use this method. It’s very structured. You start with a couple’s interview, then conduct two individual interviews, where each partner has a chance to talk openly about their experience and themselves. Then, between those sessions, you complete the online check-up, an evidence-based assessment of your relationship through the lens of the sound relationship house. With this clinically based approach, as well as the ongoing skills outlined in handouts you can follow and take home to practice, there’s plenty of support for good conversations as skills are strengthened.
How long does marriage counselling take?
I get asked this frequently. It depends on the severity of what people are facing. Like the body, a paper cut will heal faster than open-heart surgery. That said, we are all different as human beings, so everyone has their own timing and pace for healing and strengthening. In general, most couples attend between 8 and 20 sessions, depending on the complexity of the issue and their goals.
Can therapy help after an affair?
Yes. Betrayal recovery models combined with trauma processing significantly improve outcomes when both partners are committed. When a couple encounters an affair in their marriage, it can be one of the most painful times filled with hopelessness, shock, trauma, and a sense that your whole world has just imploded, but there is hope. After an affair, many couples have successfully chosen each other again, given the support of couples therapy at my practice. I’d like to call this process creating your new marriage or marriage version 2.0 . The contract of the first marriage has been broken, and the sound relationship must be rebuilt. We use the Gottman method of atonement, attunement, and attachment to heal infidelity, as well as integrating EMDR trauma therapy for any trauma triggers or childhood issues that could be relevant to what has occurred.
Estel Perel, a well-known couples therapist, is known for saying that we can have three different marriages in our lifetime with three different people, or three different marriages with the same person. This is the lens through which we choose to treat infidelity. That you can choose each other again. If we were all the grand sum total of our worst life decisions, life would be hopeless for all of us, but with atonement, turning towards each other, and the final act of committing the pain of a betrayal behind us.
Is marriage counselling worth it?
For many couples, therapy is far less costly — emotionally and financially — than separation or divorce. We always encourage couples to try to make the marriage work before they move on to divorce. However, these are personal decisions, and we never tell people how to manage their marriage. We create a safe space where they can find their own wisdom and the choices that are right for them. The process of uncoupling is an enormous grief process that takes time. Most couples try to ensure they have done everything they can to save the marriage before moving on.
What if my partner is hesitant?
If your partner does not want to attend, that does not mean you are powerless in your marriage. Individual sessions can help clarify next steps and often increase readiness for joint work. A famous family therapy theory, Systems Theory, holds that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. This would be further supported by what Gandhi said, ” Be the change you want to see in the world”. This means that even if your partner doesn’t want to attend therapy, there are many opportunities for you to heal and influence your partner in different ways. Think of it this way: if you hurl the ball at your partner at 80 miles an hour, you’ll get a different response than if you gently tap the ball at them. This means that your interactions can make a big difference; therefore, you’re not powerless over what your partner wants or does not want. We all have the choice and freedom to do better in our end of the relationship if needed. If change cannot occur even with your efforts and influence, you will know you did everything you could. This is important as ultimately we can only be responsible for what’s on our side of the fence.
Selected References (APA Style)
- American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. (n.d.). Research on the effectiveness of marriage and family therapy.
- Gottman, J. M., & Gottman, J. S. (2015). 10 Principles for Doing Effective Couples Therapy. W.W. Norton & Company.
- Shapiro, F. (2018). Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.
- World Health Organization. (2013). Guidelines for the management of conditions specifically related to stress.
Author Bio
Hello, my name is Melody Evans. I have over 24 years of experience in the chair as a practicing therapist. My credentials include being a Registered Psychologist and a Registered Marriage & Family Therapist. I am based in Calgary, Alberta. I am a Gottman Level Three provider and a Seven Principles Leader provider. I integrate the Gottman Method and EMDR trauma protocols to provide structured, evidence-based Marriage Counselling in Calgary. Further, I am a Certified EMDR therapist and EMDR Consultant. I am also a CAP (College of Alberta Psychologists)- approved supervisor. My work focuses on rebuilding trust, emotional safety, and communication in marriages and after conflict and betrayal.
Melody Evans, Registered Psychologist